i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
