I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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