Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
