You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
