I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yo dont text me then not text me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you had me at cake vodka
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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