WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
