I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
