I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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