I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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