Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
