Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
