What a fucking waste of an outfit
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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