I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
