Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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