So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
