they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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