I bet he comes in French.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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