I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
