I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
