Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
