so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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