We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
