Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
