You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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