my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we're making bets on your personal life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
