hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
