For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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