so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
