he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
