I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
