I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
