I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
