It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
