he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
