Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
