youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
