So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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