I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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