He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
