Can Purell be used as lube?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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