ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
