Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
