the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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