$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
