I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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