I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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