It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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