Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
