That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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