Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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