So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
