I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
