Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
