Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
