Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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