I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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