My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
