Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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