My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
