It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
