i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
