Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
