i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
