Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
