this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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