Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
