I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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