that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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