I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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