mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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