giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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