Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
