the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
