she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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